


Killing Time Again

by megyal



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-08
Updated: 2010-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 11:19:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For: <a href="http://txilar.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://txilar.livejournal.com/"><strong>txilar</strong></a>. Title and other lyrics from <a href="http://www.box.net/shared/unj4l5dboa">The Killing Lights</a> by AFI.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Killing Time Again

**Author's Note:**

> For: [](http://txilar.livejournal.com/profile)[**txilar**](http://txilar.livejournal.com/). Title and other lyrics from [The Killing Lights](http://www.box.net/shared/unj4l5dboa) by AFI.

_i. put on your face and let's pretend_

Iruka whispers right into the ear of his ANBU, "How old are you?"

He knows very few things about his ANBU. Iruka knows that he is tall and very strong, and he's fairly sure that his ANBU is not that much older than he is. He wants to know the exact number, though.

The White Wolf, his ANBU, turns his head. Iruka feels him shifting; he can't see his face because the room is pitch-black. Whenever Wolf sends him a message that he will be visiting (a small red feather), Iruka hurries around his tiny flat and makes sure that every window is properly sealed.

"How old do you think I am?" Wolf murmurs, his fingers lacing with Iruka's. "Guess."

Iruka ponders. He thinks about the time Wolf helped him on the return trip from a mission; Iruka couldn't see his face at all, not behind that mask, but he saw how Wolf moved, fluid like water. Not that older shinobi move feebly; but he had watched the flex of Wolf's slender thighs, revealed when his cloak fluttered up as he whirled through his attacks.

"Nineteen," Iruka finally says.

"You're right. Good guess."

"I'm sixteen," Iruka informs him primly and giggles when Wolf rolls on top of him. He moans breathlessly as he parts his legs, and Wolf settles in between his thighs as if he was made to be there.

"I know. I shouldn't be here with you," Wolf murmurs against his throat, and Iruka arches up against him, rejoicing in the feel of bare, slick flesh against his. He and Wolf have been meeting for a month and Iruka wants to tell him that he's been reading up on penetrative sex. He's allowed into restricted sections of the library because he's a teacher-in-training, sneaking out books and reading in bed with wide eyes. He's even tried a few things on himself, frowning at the full sensation.

"I want you to be here," Iruka whispers and finds Wolf's lips with his own. "I... feel very strongly about you."

He loves Wolf. However, 'love' is not a word that is very easily thrown around shinobi, especially in relation to ANBU; but whenever they lie in bed together, limbs tangled up and talking quietly, Iruka knows that Wolf is his first love. He can't explain it to his friends, especially Mizuki, who feels that Iruka should tell him _everything_. Wolf belongs to Iruka... except when he belongs to the rest of Konoha, but Iruka won't think about that now.

"You're too young," Wolf groans, thrusting against him very slowly. Their cocks rub together and Iruka feels that he can die right now; Wolf is killing him with pleasure. "Too innocent. Too sweet."

"I'm chūnin," Iruka says quite unnecessarily. "I... I've killed before. On missions."

Wolf pauses; his chest moves against Iruka's as he breathes. "I know that as well," he says and kisses Iruka, licking into his mouth. Iruka presses his hands against Wolf's shoulders, kneading helplessly into the skin there.

When the kiss breaks, Wolf moans his name in a low, needy voice.

Iruka says, "Will you have sex with me?" He asks this with his heart in his throat.

"What?" Wolf's laugh is hoarse and strained. "We _are_ having sex."

"I mean... do you want to put your, um, penis inside me?" Iruka's cheeks are flaming, but it's what he read in the books. Cool air floods between their bodies as Wolf sits abruptly back on his heels. All this time, they've just touched each other or he's had Wolf's hard cock sliding between his thighs, but... he wants this. He wants to give this to Wolf.

"I--"

"I want you to," Iruka says, going up on his elbows. "I want you."

"You don't know me." Wolf's voice is cool.

"You're Wolf. If you wanted to tell me more, you would tell me... wouldn't you?"

"Iruka, you're too--"

"Wolf," Iruka says very firmly. "I don't care."

Wolf is still for a very long moment and then he covers Iruka's body with his own again; Iruka wraps his arms and legs around his lean, warm frame. "You're very lucky that _I_ care. But..."

"I have lubricant." Iruka is triumphant and he kisses Wolf's cheek and whispers hoarsely, "Take me."

 

_ii. you see, they always remember,  
they never forget a face_

Iruka is digging around his closet, looking for the extra pair of sandals for Naruto, when he finds the red box; he sits back on his heels and drags the box slowly into his lap. It is wide and flat, and he snaps up the gold-plated latch on the side. He pulls the latch, and stares down at the porcelain mask, with its distinctive red markings. It is nestled in a soft pile of red feathers.

Iruka feels a sharp clenching in his chest; this box had been sent to him a few days after his seventeenth birthday. It had been a clear a message as any; the White Wolf was not in ANBU anymore, and since Iruka was not allowed to know his identity, their idyllic relationship was finished. It was either that, or the ANBU was dead and he had asked that this be sent to Iruka specifically in such a case.

Iruka prefers the first option. He had spent a whole month in a depression so dark that he had barely functioned, wishing that Wolf could contact him somehow... but that was against all the rules, spoken and unspoken.

Sometimes, Iruka hates the rules. He also hates the fact that he has never had a stable relationship since; Wolf is placed in a pedestal in his heart, and there is no-one else that comes close. First love, only love. Iruka is drastic like that. His feelings for Wolf has spoiled him, killing any desire Iruka might have cultivated for anyone else.

He sighs, and touches the mask, letting his hand drift down into the feathers. Then, he closes the box and pushes it back into its place, going out to where Naruto is waiting with Kakashi.

"Here," he says, tossing the sandals to his former student, his adopted family. "Try that on."

"Thanks!" Naruto chirps and sits on the floor to tug off his worn sandals and pull on the pair Iruka has given him. Naruto can afford a new pair of sandals, that's true; but Iruka wants to send him on his first mission with Kakashi-sensei, with something to remember Iruka by.

"Iruka-sensei," Kakashi says in his dry, bored way, "what's that on your sleeve?"

Iruka looks down and plucks a red feather from the dark material of his undershirt. "Just a wonderful memory," he murmurs.

"Huh?" Naruto squints up at him, Iruka's sandals already strapped to his feet.

"Memories are nice." Kakashi is looking at him very intently, and Iruka smiles. Kakashi is so odd, but Iruka likes him, even after their little falling-out over the pre-genin.

"Yes, they are. Have a good mission," Iruka says, and wonders why Kakashi keeps gazing back at him as he and Naruto walk down the street.

_fin_

* * *

  
**Extra scene:** _when they cut you up_

Kakashi feels breathless when he sees the feather clinging almost jealously to the dark material of Iruka's sleeve. Then again, he feels breathless any time he sees Iruka, and it's because his heart is always trying to crawl out of his chest and hand itself to the other man.

Kakashi has never stopped loving him. He's amazed by the depth of the emotion, for he thought he would have... grown out of it.

They had been so young, so passionate. Being with Iruka had been like finding home; he had wondered what Iruka's reaction would have been when that first red feather had been dropped in the chūnin's satchel. However, when he had turned up at Iruka's small flat, the delight in those wide brown eyes had infected Kakashi with hope that he could... he could have something so wonderful for himself.

He would have killed for it, actually. Killed to protect that delicate blossom of emotion between them. When he had been ordered by the Sandaime to step down as the White Wolf, Kakashi had been torn in two by the command.

Sandaime had simply looked at him contemplatively, no doubt reading the struggle Kakashi was undergoing underneath his mask. "You are to take on a particular boy on a genin team in the future. You cannot do so as the Wolf. But as one of our best jounin, you can begin similar duties in preparation."

Before Kakashi could even ask, the Sandaime went on: "Your identity as the White Wolf must remain a state secret." The Hokage's eyes were wise and hard and sad. "Remember, not even the ones you love are privy to that."

"Hai, Hokage-sama," Kakashi had replied, but he had still sent his least-damaged ANBU mask to his young beloved and hoped that it told him what Kakashi could never say.

But after all these years... Iruka still has at least a few of those red feathers. Kakashi's mind races around what that might mean as he walks away from Iruka's apartment with a blathering Naruto. Every time he glances over his shoulder, he sees Iruka watching him with a vaguely puzzled expression.

Kakashi thinks; he was always sure that Iruka hated him for breaking his heart in such a manner. He had known how devastated Iruka had been after the end of their relationship and he had made no effort to approach him; also, he had thought to protect Iruka from his own reputation, which was infamous whichever mask he choose to wear. But while Iruka had been strong then, he was stronger now, more capable... and amazing and... and...

A small smile blooms on his face.

There will be green feathers, this time.

fin


End file.
